STUMBLE OF FAITH

So I’m finally going to do it. I’ve been busily gathering up some short stories (some that have never been read, some that have been previously published online) and I’m putting them all together for my first collection.

And I’m scared witless.

One thing that writers need to remember—because when you’re alone writing, it is excruciatingly easy to forget—is that eventually people are going to read your work. And they’re going to judge you by your work. And they’re going to have an opinion about your work. They might like it. They might love it. They might loathe it.

But they’re going to read it. And that, my friend, can be a very scary thing to deal with.

There are, of course, some writers to whom self-promotion and confidence come as easily as breathing. They’re more than able to whip up a website for their book, send letters out to libraries selling their book, create forums for “fans” to talk about how much they loved their book. In their minds, they are already famous, and so they are able to make what might seem like a delusion become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There are others—and I consider myself among these lowly ranks—to whom self-promotion is as difficult as breathing underwater. We torture ourselves with doubt: will anyone really want to read my stories? Why would anyone spend money on a book I wrote when there are so many other books out there? What makes me think I’m good enough to be published (even if I’m doing the publishing myself)?

It’s complicated being a writer. On the one hand, you write your stories or poems with the hopes that eventually someone will read and enjoy them. Even if you’re not sure if you’ll ever show your work to anyone, you write to get it out of your system, because you know you’ve got something worthwhile to say and that you must get it on the page.

On the other hand, there can be a terrible agony about sharing your work with an audience that doesn’t consist of people who are related to you by blood. This audience isn’t going to try to spare your feelings or be supportive. These are people who don’t know you, will never know you, and really don’t care if you’re crushed by their criticism or not. Writers take a huge gamble with their egos when they release a new work into the world. Even the biggies, the guys and gals who routinely sit on top of the New York Times bestsellers list, share this anxiety (at least, I like to hope that they do and that I’m not as neurotic as I’m afraid I might be).

I’m putting together my collection because I have finally, after umpty-eleven years of writing and sending out stories, started finding people who are willing to publish them. Each published story adds another brick to my wall of confidence (which at this point is more like a low garden wall, but I digress). I’ve had dozens of extremely nice people take the time to send me an email telling me that they’ve liked a certain story they’ve read online. I finally feel as if I’m actually a writer, rather than someone who wants to be a writer. It feels like it’s time for fight or flight: either I take a chance now, or I might never have the guts to take this leap (or stumble) of faith.

So I urge you—whoever you are, who might be reading this little essay—to stop and think about where you are on your career path as a writer. Where’s your confidence level? If you’re already practicing your autograph, then that’s great…go forward and publish and the best of luck to you. If you’re wondering if maybe you should send out a story to a magazine, but you’re not sure if they’ll like it or not, then I urge to you take the chance and send it out.

My father always used to tell me that the worst thing in the world would be to look back on your life and see all the opportunities lost, just because you were afraid to take a chance.

Don’t be afraid to take that chance. Send out your story. Query that editor about a long shot of an article. Write up that novel proposal. Contact that literary agent about representation. Gather those stories together for a collection of your work. Do whatever you need to do to get your work out there in front of those faceless readers.

Because in the end, those faceless readers won’t have the final say about your career. You will. Have the guts to make it what you want.

And good luck to us all.